Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
