mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
