sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
