I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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