theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
