Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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