come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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