I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
