I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
then he tried to convert me to islam
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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