im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
