do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
