if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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