you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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