the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
