oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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