and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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