Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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