yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
