I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
