we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
