How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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