there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
