Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just want nice things and good sex
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
