He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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