I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
