it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
