normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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