I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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