I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
