is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
