i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My apartment stinks of burning failure
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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