New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's blow job season.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
