You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
