wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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