atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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