dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
