Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
