it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
