I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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