On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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