Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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