he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Pooping to opera.
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