I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
