He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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