xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
