Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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