My sheets look like a crime scene.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
