Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
