Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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