i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
