The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Your dad touched me again.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
